friend things, you know?
June 21, 2012, 5:14 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

one thing i wonder about in adult friendships is how you know when you need to just stand back and let it happen and how you know when to chase it down with all your heart.

i’ve been sort of neglectful of some people who are important to me. i’ve put other things first – work, especially. and i haven’t gone after them or kept things up the way i should. i lost myself in a sea of stress and trying to achieve something or feel worthwhile because of what i did at work and wrapped myself around that.

so i know i owe it to some people to reach out and say “hey, that was rude and weird of me. i miss you. let’s start being friends again.”

and so i am. i just have a little voice that keeps reminding me that while i was swirling around in that sea and losing track of what i was like…where were my friends?



friend things, you know?
June 21, 2012, 5:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

one thing i wonder about in adult friendships is how you know when you need to just stand back and let it happen and how you know when to chase it down with all your heart.

i’ve been sort of neglectful of some people who are important to me. i’ve put other things first – work, especially. and i haven’t gone after them or kept things up the way i should. i lost myself in a sea of stress and trying to achieve something or feel worthwhile because of what i did at work and wrapped myself around that.

so i know i owe it to some people to reach out and say “hey, that was rude and weird of me. i miss you. let’s start being friends again.”

and so i am. i just have a little voice that keeps reminding me that while i was swirling around in that sea and losing track of what i was like…where were my friends?



friend questions, you know?
June 21, 2012, 5:12 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

one thing i wonder about in adult friendships is how you know when you need to just stand back and let it happen and how you know when to chase it down with all your heart.

i’ve been sort of neglectful of some people who are important to me. i’ve put other things first – work, especially. and i haven’t gone after them or kept things up the way i should. i lost myself in a sea of stress and trying to achieve something or feel worthwhile because of what i did at work and wrapped myself around that.

so i know i owe it to some people to reach out and say “hey, that was rude and weird of me. i miss you. let’s start being friends again.”

and so i am. i just have a little voice that keeps reminding me that while i was swirling around in that sea and losing track of what i was like…where were my friends?



2 Dollar Shoes
October 13, 2008, 10:08 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Right now I’d like:

.To watch Antiques Roadshow for three straight days

.A little dog to live with me

.Up ‘n move away plans for next summer

.All my fall clothes

.Just some cuddles

.An appropriate place to bake

.More occasions to dress up

.More time with friends

.Frennnnnch language capabilities please

.Time for music

.Moniez for me, moniez for you

.To feel ready. For anything, for everything.

.A bathroom break?

.To do well.

.To care more about doing well.

.More openness with others. More honesty, less caution.

.Heart friends close.

.A trip, and Chicago sounds about right.

 

Those are just some things I want.



DOPE LIKE COKE.
September 10, 2008, 2:49 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’ll always have so much to figure out, always have emotions to sort through. Sometimes they’re going to be huge, maybe even insurmountable. Sometimes they’ll seem conquerable from the start. I know I’ll never be lacking in something to mull through or set straight in my dizzy brain. At least this is what I hope. This brain, it’s gotta have something to figure out, or else it starts to try and figure things that can’t be. If nothing else, my girl Kimya put it right: “Broken hearts hurt but they make us strong.” Sometimes mine starts to crack a little, maybe even chip away or kinda break. But you know, your heart muscles are among the strongest in your body, and putting a little stress on them makes it less likely they’ll freak out someday and quit working early. And I think your emotional heart is the same way: you have to know that the rotten things that happen to you, or to the world in general, aren’t there to be ignored – in your life, or in the world in general. They’re there to be worked through so you don’t have a wussy heart. Skirting things and ignoring emotions, I tried that for like twenty-one years. It worked alright until I started having to do harder things. Then I realized that I needed to let this thing, my heart, feel it all. Like training or conditioning or whatever. So at the end of the day, I might not be able to glide along the surface, moving smoothly over the barbed wire that sometimes snags at you. But when it comes down to it, on the days that are nasty and filled with small bad things, or days that are agonizing when life hits, I’m going to have a heart that can stay the course. Like, you know, my boy Michael Phelps. My heart will win eight golds, I’ll give them all to my mom, and I’ll walk away knowing that it’s only because I made myself keep pumping when I was tempted to just float.

 

PS: RAD NEWs…I’m spending a week in London this December with some AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEEEE girls and MAYBE STACEY?! UM….in LONDON?!?!??!?!??!?!?!!??!!??!?!? WHAT THE H…YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LAKDSAF;KSDJF;AJDSF!!!



The Blessing
September 4, 2008, 7:18 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Just off the highway to Rochester, Minnesota,
Twilight bounds softly forth on the grass.
And the eyes of those two Indian ponies
Darken with kindness.
They have come gladly out of the willows
To welcome my friend and me.
We step over the barbed wire into the pasture
Where they have been grazing all day, alone.
They ripple tensely, they can hardly contain their happiness
That we have come.
They bow shyly as wet swans. They love each other.
There is no loneliness like theirs.
At home once more,
They begin munching the young tufts of spring in the darkness.
I would like to hold the slenderer one in my arms,
For she has walked over to me
And nuzzled my left hand.
She is black and white,
Her mane falls wild on her forehead,
And the light breeze moves me to caress her long ear
That is delicate as the skin over a girl’s wrist.
Suddenly I realize
That if I stepped out of my body I would break
Into blossom.

 

 

-James Wright



To-Do.
August 27, 2008, 11:35 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.” -Edmund Burke

 

In most ways, I am a light-hearted optimist who loves freely and believes that anyone can accomplish anything. However, I am also a stubborn, rational, and competetive perfectionist who feels that if I can’t be fully and absolutely successful, I should not and will not try. A few final qualities that round me out are a deep-seeded compassion for others and the [frequently overwhelming] desire to help others, if not save everyone in my path from whatever pitfalls, heartaches, brokenness, and suffering they may have endured, or may be headed towards.

This evening, I came across the Burke quote, and it sank it’s teeth into my tender, overwhelmed heart. One thing I began learning this summer is how entirely I am redeemed, wanted, pursued, adored, and desired by my Abba. He wants me, He loves me, and He always has. Tonight, in a swirl of thought and contemplation, it’s occurred to me that He’s wanted me always, before He even made me complete. Now that He’s given me everything I need for life in Him [it's in 1 Peter somewhere], He not only wants me – He wants me to do things. He wants me to grow up a little, and shift away from the selfish, self-preserving, perfectionistic idea that if I can’t win I won’t try.  It’s not about that.

 

Sometimes, you just can’t believe that it took seeing the fireworks and feeling the explosion to understand an idea so simple that all it took was the touch of a match.




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